


stardust to remember you by

by spnhell



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:11:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5589118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spnhell/pseuds/spnhell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>If you'll be my star/ I'll be your sky/ You can hide underneath me and come out at night/ When I turn jet black/ And you show off your light/ I live to let you shine</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Kili leaves his tribe in the North Pole and ventures out into the universe in search of his guiding light, the brother that was chosen to be a star shining in the night sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stardust to remember you by

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRPyoPGO2vo).

Kili dreamed of starships and rockets, of climbing the galaxies in search of a blazing star.

 

He dreamed of passing the horizon, of heading west until the sea slipped away and he was at the edge of the universe, the stars opening up before him. He wanted to leap across the constellations and feel stardust beneath his feet, to walk the paths of Eridanus and Aquarius, to trace the steps of Andromeda.

 

He was his own star cluster, bursting with light but with no room to fly.

 

* * *

 

He knew there was one out there, a star that burned only for him. He was just waiting for it to fall.

 

* * *

  

It was an old legend in the tribe that the stars were created from the people that walked the earth. That they were fated to roam the heavens, built from sparks in the universe who were specifically chosen for this purpose.

 

Kili knew that Fili had been one of these, taken at a young age to gleam forever in the sky. A guiding light for his One, for the boy left behind to dream of space and eternity.

 

His parents tried to convince him otherwise, that legends were only legends and that Fili had been taken by bandits, gone from them and never able to return.

 

But Kili knew better, and if Fili was the star then Kili wanted to be the sky, he wanted to be the canvas on which Fili could paint his existence.

 

* * *

 

Kili had always been a believer, in legends and tales and myths of universes beyond their own. He sat at the feet of the storytellers, rapt with attention; his mind conjuring images of spaceships and giant waves that would carry him forth to new lands.

 

He wanted to ride on the aurora borealis, on the lights that danced across the mountains. He wanted to carve his own spaceship, to cut into the ice and then float away into the universe, to visit every star until he found what he was searching for.

 

* * *

 

There was magic in the world. Kili had seen it, had seen it in the reflection of green and pink and blue skating across the ice, a mesmeric dance that he could only watch in awe. There was magic in his home, in the desolation of the North that opened them up to wonder and profound realisation. There was magic in the skies, in the way the sun would sparkle and the night was velvet ink, encompassing and inspiring, taking him away each night to fly in his dreams.

 

* * *

  

Kili wondered if Fili shone brighter on the days when he soared. On the days when he climbed the glaciers and watched the horizon unfold before him. The days when his heart felt light and his soul was free.  

 

* * *

 

At night Kili would lay on the roof of their igloo, the winds of the North Pole circling around of him and howling as if in pain. He wondered if they were the voices of the sky, the lone cries of those condemned. It was an honour, their chieftain had told him, that the stars were chosen to burn the brightest of them all.

 

But under the cloak of darkness, when the dancing lights had been laid to rest and only the map of the galaxies was laid out before him, he knew that Fili was up there, staring back at him with the same loneliness that haunted Kili’s footsteps. It was cold and isolated up there, the tundra of his home reflected back at him in the whites of the sky.

 

He dreamed of the day he would grow old enough to journey up there, to venture out into the world.

 

* * *

  

When Kili was 17, a star fell from the sky.

 

It crashed a few miles south of their home, a blazing light tearing through the sky and ripping its way into their world. It left a hole in the edge of the stratosphere, an opening through which even when the sun was high, Kili could see out into space, into the darkness and the stars twinkling far off in the distance. And he knew that this was it, that this was his time to leave.

 

The star had fallen because its heart had been broken, as the legends had foretold. The life the star was meant to guide had faded, and in turn it had weakened, unable to shine for anyone but the One it was meant to guide.

 

Kili was determined that Fili’s life wouldn’t end that way, that he wouldn’t blaze until the day Kili died, never having known the love that was felt for him.

 

* * *

 

Kili built his ship out of a bursting heart and the desire to fly.

 

He traversed down into the crater the fallen star had left behind, the remnants of a shattered heart at its centre, spilling glittering stardust across the wasteland. He collected into his pouch, the few pieces that were left, and took them back to his raft. He’d made it out of planks of old wood and a sail shaped from his bed sheet, tied to the little mast that shot up out of the centre. He sprinkled the dust across it, knowing the magic would guide him up into the night.

 

He waited, waited for the lights that he knew would come, standing atop his igloo with his raft beside him. When it was time, he clambered aboard, the magic carrying him up on waves of cerulean and lilac, and he laughed, laughed with the joy of it as for the first time he truly danced, one with the world as it carried him up and away.

 

* * *

 

When he reached the tear in the sky, his heart soaring and butterflies beating in his stomach, he reached out a hand, wanting to feel the velvet beneath his fingertips. He touched the edge of the rip in the nights fabric, his fingers ghosting across the night. He turned back a final time, the tiny fire of their tribe a prickling light beneath him. It was its own star, one that would guide him home again.

 

But Kili was born to explore, and so he turned back into the night and headed off into the universe.

  

* * *

  

The first star that Kili visited, he landed on an ocean of pinks and orange.

 

“Fee?” he cried out, his voice wavering on the ripples that spanned out around him. Palm trees wavered on an island in the distance, fronds blowing in the breeze. The sky wasn’t dark here, nor was it light like back home, it was instead tinged with greens and purple, everything around him a myriad of tropical colour like he had never seen before.

 

Laughter resounded from the trees on the island, erupting out of a golden snow, and Kili knew it must be sand. He had heard about it before, of places that were warm were the waters lapped the shore.

 

A couple appeared, a boy and a girl holding hands, and they waved at him from afar. He raised a hand in greeting, but knew instantly that this was not the right place, that Fili wasn’t here. That this star had already been mapped and discovered.

 

So he waved again, bidding them goodbye, before taking his raft and soaring off again.

 

* * *

 

On the nights where he drifted in the universe, lost between galaxies and constellations, slowly floating towards his newest destination, Kili dreamed about Fili’s star.

 

By now he had seen jungles and deserts, icebergs and mountains, lands that were quiet and lands that were bursting with life. His raft had sailed oceans and rivers, the waters carrying him downstream and out into the abyss, waterfalls dropping off the edge of those stars and taking him back out into the galaxy.

 

But none of the stars he had traveled too had been Fili’s, and Kili was beginning to despair that he would ever find him. He’d always believed that he would know it on first sight, that it would appear the brightest to him, that burning star that in his heart he would know was a flame flaring just for him.

 

The sheet-sail fluttered next to him, the embroidery of Fili’s name still etched in the corner, the thread faded from years of being clutched beneath Kili’s fingertips. He wondered what Fili’s would be like, what kind of world he would have created for himself.

 

He wondered if Fili could see him coming, and worried that maybe Fili’s light was fading, for Kili was nowhere to be found on his own planet. He hoped that Fili was tracing his path across the skies, that he was trying to shine brighter than ever in an attempt to catch Kili’s attention.

 

He didn’t want Fili to think he had failed him.

 

He dug out another pinch of stardust, sprinkling it across the sail and hoping that the raft would guide him towards his One before he ran out.

 

* * *

 

Sometimes Kili would pass a falling star, one tumbling out of space in front of him, and his heart would clench and his breath would catch because every part of his being, every speck of stardust that made up his soul was praying that it wasn’t the star he was searching for.

 

* * *

 

The meteor shower was unexpected, rocks falling and burning all around him, and for the first time Kili felt truly afraid, his belief wavering as he huddled on his raft, tears dripping from his eyes as he clutched his knees to his chest and watched as the particles tore through his makeshift sail.

 

He cried out as Fili’s name was ripped away, lunging over the edge of the raft in an attempt to catch it. But it was too late, it was gone, carried away on the storm and he wept as he felt its loss tear a hole in his heart.

 

He looked back, and realised he’d traveled so far he could no longer see the blinking light that was the entrance back into his own world, back under his skies where he would be safe even if alone.

 

He screamed as a larger rock hit the raft, sending it into a spiral, knocking it off course and sending it flying down towards a desolate looking star, dark and barren and he despaired at the thought of being trapped there, of running out of stardust and being forced to live his life alone and looking down on the people below, as all stars were fated to be.

 

He had wanted to change Fili’s fate, not join him, and it was this thought that clamoured in his mind as he clutched the edges of the raft and tumbled out of space to crash down into the dark.

 

* * *

 

Kili had dreamed of starships and rockets, of climbing the galaxies in search of a blazing star.

 

But Kili had discovered that not all stars shone fiercely, not all burned with a roiling fire.

 

He had discovered lands of eternal summer, lands of lush vegetation and lands of oceans as crystal clear as the purest of glass. He had discovered caverns and rolling hills, lakes of the wildest of colours, and fruits that grew as large as his head. He had overturned true wonder, reached out and touched all of the universes he could never have dreamed of.

 

He had walked Orion’s Belt and been chased through the forest by the bears of Ursa Major. He had traversed the cluster of the Pleiades, spoken with the Seven Sisters themselves and listened to their tales of the Ones they had left behind.

 

They had listened to his own story with rapt attention, huddled around a makeshift fire, and had spoken of their own adventures in the night skies. They’d wished him luck on his journey, sending him away with a cloak woven of inky velvet, taken from the sky itself.

 

He was shrouded beneath it now, huddled in a cave on the wasteland in which he’d landed, the remnants of his raft torn to shreds beside him. He cried quietly, buried in his blanket, and hoped beyond hope that he could still soar in his dreams.

 

* * *

 

Kili woke to eyes of stardust.

 

He woke to fingers running through his hair, to sapphire clouding his vision more beautiful than any colour he’d ever seen dancing the night skies.

 

“Fili?”

 

A smile brighter than the sun gleamed before him, the fingers carding through the strands of his hair soft and gentle.

 

“Is it really you, Fee?”

 

He reached out a hand, grasping onto the shirt of the man before him, clutching it as tight as he’d held his bed sheet for years and years.

 

“It’s me, Kili,” Fili replied, eyes crinkling as he his smile widened. “You found me.”

 

Kili sat up, disbelief warring with excitement as he did so, catching Fili’s hand that fell from his hair in his own. “I knew I would,” he blurted, “I knew you were waiting for me. I couldn’t leave you here, not alone like this.”

 

Fili’s smile was soft, but his eyes were sad, gazing at Kili in wonder as if he was the star between them, the burning rock that brightened his life.

 

“I’m not alone, Kili. I have always been with you. I’ve lived to let you shine.”

 

Kili shook his head, pulling himself closer to Fili until they were breathing the same air. He rested their foreheads together, felt Fili’s heart thudding beneath his shirt. They were two parts of a whole, he had always known it. They were stars carved from the same cluster, asteroids cutting the same path across the sky.

 

“I can’t shine without you,” Kili whispered, releasing Fili’s shirt so he could reach up and trace the line of his jaw.

 

Fili’s hand twitched in his own, his gaze drawing away from Kili’s face as he pulled his hand away, reaching into his pocket to pull something out of it.

 

“Here, I found this,” he said, pushing a torn piece of cloth into Kili’s hand.

 

Gold embroidery shone up at him, the stitching spelling out the name of his One that had been carved across his heart since the day he’d been born. Kili gaped in awe, before he started laughing, bright and free and _flying._ Fili laughed with him, the two of them up there in the stars, laughing with true joy and relief, and when it trailed off and they were left staring at each other, it was the most natural thing in the world to cross the distance between them until their lips met.

 

Kili had crossed galaxies to get here, to reach this moment and find the other half of his soul. And yet the chasm he had to cross to feel Fili’s lips on his own felt like the greatest distance, the biggest leap he’d ever taken.

 

Fili’s lips were soft, hesitant against his own, and Kili drew himself to his knees, his hands around Fili’s neck pulling him closer, desperate to get as close as he could. He’d fought too hard for this, traveled to far to let him go ever again. It was desperate, his hands scrabbling against Fili’s shoulders until he finally felt Fili’s hands tighten on his hips in response, pulling him closer until Kili was practically in his lap.

 

They broke apart, panting softly against each others mouths, and Kili wondered if this is how all the stars tasted, or if Fili’s was simply a meteor that had forever been fated to crash through his heart.

 

“I can’t go with you Kee,” Fili whispered, so quiet that Kili felt the words against his lips before he heard them. “My place is here. I’m meant to watch over you, guide you. I was so afraid when I looked down and you were gone.”

 

Kili felt his heart break at the words, at the pain he knew must have caused.

 

“If you can’t go with me then I will stay here with you,” Kili replied. “I can’t leave you again Fee, we’re meant to be together. Always.”

 

Fili huffed a small laugh, tapping their noses together before drawing away. “You’ve always been stubborn.”

 

Kili’s answering grin was wider than Fili had ever seen it, and it settled warmly in his chest.

 

“Yep. And besides, I can’t leave now anyway. My raft is destroyed.” He gestured at the pile of planks that had been his vessel across the universe, at the remnants of his stardust scattered across the rocks around them.

 

“You could’ve picked a nicer star though Fee,” he teased, “the ones I visited before here were much nicer. Wondrous even, full of colours and plants and animals I had never even dreamed of.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Fili replied with a laugh, “how come you didn’t stay there then?”  

 

Kili stared at him, wondering if all these years alone had addled Fili’s brain. “Because you weren’t there. No star could shine brighter to me than the one that holds the other half of me.”

 

Fili’s eyes shone, and he stared at Kili dumbly for a moment before pulling him close again, pressing their lips together and licking his way into Kili’s mouth. Kili moaned, curling his fingers in Fili’s hair, shifting until he was firmly planted on Fili’s lap.

 

This time when Fili broke away, Kili chuckled as he mouthed his way down Fili’s neck, wanting to bury himself in the scent of _home._

 

“Even if it is a desolate wasteland,” he remarked, and Fili’s barking laughter could be heard echoing throughout the galaxy.

 

* * *

 

They built a home together there on that star. One created out of love and laughter and stardust. And for years they lived in happiness, shining together far brighter than they ever had before. _The North Star,_ people called them. _Polaris_ the name they chose for themselves, after Kili’s home back on earth.

 

But as the years went by Fili dreamed to see the universe as Kili had, and so they built another boat together, a proper one this time with two masts and real sails. They stitched Fili’s name to the bottom of the mainsail, at Kili’s insistence that it was that which had brought him to Fili’s star in the first place.

 

And together they soared the galaxies again, discovering new stars and planets and revisiting some of the ones that Kili had been thinking of ever since he’d first seen them.

 

The legends that Kili had been told as a child changed, became tales of two brothers who fell in love and danced across the night skies together. And when the aurora came, the tribesfolk knew that it was their way of reaching back to their homeland, of soaring through the skies and spreading their light across the world.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


End file.
